Finding ZenIs it normal to be impatient with a water dispenser while you are on vacation at a spa? I asked myself this as I walked down the hallway to my beautiful room fully cocooned in my plush white robe and slippers. I am currently on retreat with my beloved husband celebrating our 12 wedding anniversary and the new year. We are celebrating in the gorgeous town of telluride Colorado with its frozen bridal veil water fall sitting as an exclamation point at the end of it's box canyon.
I always considered myself a slow person. My canter has been often described as a saunter. I am actually borderline slacker in my book. I dont "work out" every day nor do I " practice" everyday even though I know I would be a better person if I did. I really didn't think I had that much more slowing down to do. I thought I was more chill than I clearly give myself credit for not being. I thought maybe I was a type B.5 person smack between a type A and a type D. Turns out, not so much.
The steam in the beautiful steam shower here at the spa does not come on fast enough. The humidifier in the room or even the water from the dispenser, not fast enough, hot enough? Impatient. Quick to a negative thought quick to frustration. Too quick. Too blatantly noticeable in this environment. Not very becoming. I was in Bali earlier this year and watched people WORK for their drinking water. Have I become that speedie and that impatient? Have I rushed through this year that much? Have I hurried along the birthdays the holidays so that I can check them off the never ending to do list I'vve called my life. What am I rushing to? Where the heck do I think I'm going anyway?
We have all had the experience of letting go and trusting and being spontaneous and have had incredibly wonderful memories of those times (and yes some not so great memories too but would you have traded it for going on the well worn path? Perhaps ). The tightrope.Walking that knife edge of attending to the responsibilities that I've chosen to grace my life with and being a complete slacker and letting go too much. The ying yang the tantra the having it both ways simultaneously. I know it's possible. I've seen others living it. I've seen it in others eyes. I know the feeling. Ive touched it.
As a kid the balance beam was my favorite gymnastics apparatus. Grip with the toes that's the holding on part. Setting the shoulders and hips that's the staying on part. The mind and the breath thats the knowing I will nail it part. I can do this. I've done it, we've all done it and do it in so many areas of our daily lives The in-between. The gentler place. The place of more acceptance and forgiveness. The place of tolerance and support. The moving on a wooden beam four inches wide four feet off the ground place So as we round the bend into 2011 I go in with the hopes of slowing 2011 down. Being more patient with the water dispensers in my life. Gripping my toes when I need to hold on, squaring my shoulders and hips in the direction I want to go and believing in myself and what I've chosen.
Happy new year may yours be all of 525600 minutes long!